Great share about the 'help' thing. I have watched my own mind, not-know-what-the-right-thing-to-do is. And as a culture, since we are so rubbish at asking for help, can we always assume that disabled people will ask? Is it something you (unfortunately) have to get good at in a way able-bodied people don't?
Nowadays I go for 'friendly face' - to try and convey 'I'm the type of person you could ask if needed' but don't say anything directly...
Hey Adele, I wonder how much is context specific... you got me thinking, if any person, a disabled or non-disabled person dropped a bag of groceries and there were oranges and carrots and loo roll flying everywhere, no-one would object to someone leaping in and helping to pick it all up right? I certainly know I wouldn't mind in that context, as I'm sure you wouldn't. But for many disabled people (and I should specify that I don't represent all disabled people, just myself) it is when it is an everyday activity that they have a system on how to manage that activity (just as non-disabled people do) that help can become a hindrance more than assistance. And you also hit the nail on the head re culturally, being Aussie in the UK it has taken me awhile to get used to the "not talking to each other" rule, particularly down south, which of course, could be a hindrance to asking for help... thoughts?
Ha! Absolutely, in Bulgaria, the other country I hang out in regularly, people come and help me (able-bodied) and there's no way you can ward them off! Usually over there it's men wanting to carry things for me (female) that I'm perfectly capable of carrying- but I do accept it more over there as the culture is so different, and I know that's them-being-friendly-because-I'm-foreign-and-want-me-to-think-people-are-nice-in-their-country...
I think part of the issue is what you said - you have a system to do everyday tasks. As able-bodied people, we perhaps don't stop and think that that would be the case. Our reference is abled-bodied, so if, for example, my able-bodied friend had broken her arm, it would be natural for me to help with her shopping - as she is unlikely to create such systems straight away. So when we see someone with a physical disability we can't/don't, in that split second, imagine how that person could possibly put their groceries in a bag - because WE wouldn't be able to if we suddenly had that disability...so we see a potential struggle, when often, as you demonstrate, there isn't.
I wonder if gender comes into it too? Would the person have forced his help on you if you were a man? Oooooo....so many factors!
There are so many nuances, and not just disability/non-disabled, but as you say, gender, then I would add age as well, and diving deeper even generational, I find it is older people that tend to ask me constantly if I need help or just leap in and take over without asking... the younger generations are much more chill LOL x
It took a long time for business to understand the nature of the employee. Most businesses don’t look at employees the way Scrooge did now. I have to believe that business will come to see disabled people in the same light, adding their value to whole, sometimes in ways others cannot. It will happen. It must happen.
I really hope so John, that is why I am making this newsletter and starting conversations just like this. Disabled people have so many skills that are so desired by employers, i.e., great problem-solving skills, creativity, good at teamwork and time management, etc. We just need to shift the prevailing ideas about disability as bodies and minds that are not productive or not valuable or to be pitied. We actually need to learn from the disability community these skills and talents that would in fact benefit all people in society... and as you say, it must happen.
Hi, interesting article, however the accessibility of the post itself is not very good. The font made it very difficult to read. I don't know if this is something you can change, but could you please look into dyslexia friendly fonts.
Hey Emily, they have Sans Serif, from previous research into accessible text I believe this is better. Let me know also if a larger text will be helpful. x
The new font is a million times better, thank you. The text is pretty large on my screen already, so I don't have an issue with it. Thank you so much for responding quickly and positively.
Hi Emily, of course, I will try another font. There aren't many choices on Substack unfortunately, but I will go and see what the other alternatives are.
Great share about the 'help' thing. I have watched my own mind, not-know-what-the-right-thing-to-do is. And as a culture, since we are so rubbish at asking for help, can we always assume that disabled people will ask? Is it something you (unfortunately) have to get good at in a way able-bodied people don't?
Nowadays I go for 'friendly face' - to try and convey 'I'm the type of person you could ask if needed' but don't say anything directly...
Hey Adele, I wonder how much is context specific... you got me thinking, if any person, a disabled or non-disabled person dropped a bag of groceries and there were oranges and carrots and loo roll flying everywhere, no-one would object to someone leaping in and helping to pick it all up right? I certainly know I wouldn't mind in that context, as I'm sure you wouldn't. But for many disabled people (and I should specify that I don't represent all disabled people, just myself) it is when it is an everyday activity that they have a system on how to manage that activity (just as non-disabled people do) that help can become a hindrance more than assistance. And you also hit the nail on the head re culturally, being Aussie in the UK it has taken me awhile to get used to the "not talking to each other" rule, particularly down south, which of course, could be a hindrance to asking for help... thoughts?
Ha! Absolutely, in Bulgaria, the other country I hang out in regularly, people come and help me (able-bodied) and there's no way you can ward them off! Usually over there it's men wanting to carry things for me (female) that I'm perfectly capable of carrying- but I do accept it more over there as the culture is so different, and I know that's them-being-friendly-because-I'm-foreign-and-want-me-to-think-people-are-nice-in-their-country...
I think part of the issue is what you said - you have a system to do everyday tasks. As able-bodied people, we perhaps don't stop and think that that would be the case. Our reference is abled-bodied, so if, for example, my able-bodied friend had broken her arm, it would be natural for me to help with her shopping - as she is unlikely to create such systems straight away. So when we see someone with a physical disability we can't/don't, in that split second, imagine how that person could possibly put their groceries in a bag - because WE wouldn't be able to if we suddenly had that disability...so we see a potential struggle, when often, as you demonstrate, there isn't.
I wonder if gender comes into it too? Would the person have forced his help on you if you were a man? Oooooo....so many factors!
Urgo: everyone needs to read your posts! X
There are so many nuances, and not just disability/non-disabled, but as you say, gender, then I would add age as well, and diving deeper even generational, I find it is older people that tend to ask me constantly if I need help or just leap in and take over without asking... the younger generations are much more chill LOL x
It took a long time for business to understand the nature of the employee. Most businesses don’t look at employees the way Scrooge did now. I have to believe that business will come to see disabled people in the same light, adding their value to whole, sometimes in ways others cannot. It will happen. It must happen.
I really hope so John, that is why I am making this newsletter and starting conversations just like this. Disabled people have so many skills that are so desired by employers, i.e., great problem-solving skills, creativity, good at teamwork and time management, etc. We just need to shift the prevailing ideas about disability as bodies and minds that are not productive or not valuable or to be pitied. We actually need to learn from the disability community these skills and talents that would in fact benefit all people in society... and as you say, it must happen.
Hi, interesting article, however the accessibility of the post itself is not very good. The font made it very difficult to read. I don't know if this is something you can change, but could you please look into dyslexia friendly fonts.
Hey Emily, they have Sans Serif, from previous research into accessible text I believe this is better. Let me know also if a larger text will be helpful. x
The new font is a million times better, thank you. The text is pretty large on my screen already, so I don't have an issue with it. Thank you so much for responding quickly and positively.
Always Emily. x
Hi Emily, of course, I will try another font. There aren't many choices on Substack unfortunately, but I will go and see what the other alternatives are.